Hey Folks!
For a long time, I've been one of those "Someday" people. You know the kind I'm talking about. The ones who stare at something with that longing look on their face, and yet no matter how much you can tell they want whatever they are staring at, you still watch them walk away from it.
I've walked away from a lot of stuff that I Someday'd in my head.
Some of it, was because it wasn't something I needed, just something that I wanted.
Others, are because I didn't have the time for it, or was too insecure and afraid to go after it.
Strange right? I'm one of those girls who's used the phrase "more to love" when describing myself. And yeah, I am more to love, but that "more" isn't always healthy.
Don't get me wrong, I love myself the way I am. Quirks, Insanity, Insecurity, Flaws, Stubbornness, and all. I even like my size.
But today, while pinning one of the best outfits I have seen put together, which was a pair of long fit jeans, a white undershirt, and a lovely dark green wrap-around styling sweater with some pretty shoes and accessories, I thought again all wistful like, "Someday" and sighed. It's not something I can afford, and it wouldn't actually look good on me right now. As I closed out that tab I realized something.
Something important.
I realized, that if I keep waiting and hoping for that "Someday" it is never going to come. I have to start now, in order to even maybe reach that Someday that I dream of. I know that realistically it's not going to happen overnight, but if I work on it, and work towards a goal, that Someday can come sooner than I think.
I'm not naive, I know it will take quite a bit of hard work, but it's hard work that I am willing to do. I need something to change in my life, because this last year hasn't been a good one, and I need 2017 to be much better than 2016.
Because honestly, 2016? It has been an awful year. Sure at the beginning I got a promotion which came with a bit of a raise, but also with only one day off, and too many hours at work with no time to relax or reconnect with myself. Towards the middle? I had lost my job of almost three years, and had fallen into a pit of depression that was so deep I couldn't see the light at the top, and resulted in me curling up into a ball and spending most of my time numb and laying in the darkness.
Both literally and mentally.
But closer to the end has found me with a new job, and sure it isn't my dream job, but it is paying the bills and is a way for me to get back on track with my life. It has resulted in what I laughingly call the "starvation diet". Which isn't really a laughing matter, but when money is tight and it goes towards bills first, and then if any is left over it goes towards food, well you make things stretch.
I am very lucky though. My parents have been buying me some groceries, which is very helpful, but I guess sometimes my pride gets in the way of me asking for a lot. I don't want to be a burden on them. (Guess and sometimes really should be know and always.....)
Family is extraordinarily helpful and encouraging. But I know I need to get off that Someday and start making it into my Now. Because how else am I to get that Someday?
That Someday is a job that is a career. It is a family, a house, a debt-free life. Because right now, I've got a job, two fur babies (dog and cat), a one bedroom apartment, and a whole lot of debt that I'm working on.
It's my life, and I do love it, but as Cinderella sings "A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep," and my dreams are as big as the Texas sky, and brighter than a Winter Sunrise, and take longer than a Summer Sunset.
But I know with hard work, and a good attitude I can get there. I just have to find my motivation and remember my goals.
Happy Holidays Ya'll
Jacq
