I live alone, but I am not lonely.
I don't look around and constantly desire the presence of another person. If I really want company, I only have to sit on my couch for about five minutes, and then not only does my dog lay next to me, but my cat does her best to sit in the most awkward (for me) spot so that I will be forced to pet her.
I don't wake up and have to crawl over, or around someone else in my queen sized bed. I don't have an argument over spending money with someone, or worry about someone else's family.
Because I live alone.
I can walk around my apartment half dressed or completely naked. I can sit and watch the sun rise with my shades open in my living room. I can sleep with all the covers and starfish out on my huge bed.
And I don't have to worry about someone else who lives with me.
I don't worry that the leftovers I brought home last night will still be there in the morning. I can lock my door completely and not worry about when someone else will be home.
I can drink the last of the juice in my fridge, or eat the last of something. I can take an hour long shower and use all my hot water. I can leave my ridiculously long hair down and there is no one to complain about my hair being everywhere.
(But I can complain about the damn animal hair everywhere. Good Lord you'd think my dog sheds her entire fur coat, and then regrows another with how much fur my vacuum pulls up after just two days.)
I am single, and alone, but I am not lonely.
The difference is that I am unafraid to be seen doing things that couples do, by myself.
I'm not scared to go to a restaurant and eat at a table for two by myself. I enjoy people watching.
I'm more than happy to go see a movie by myself. It doesn't bother me. (Sometimes it bothers my mother because I go see a movie by myself that she wanted to see as well and she gets frustrated with me. XD )
It's not that I want to be alone my entire life, but I haven't met the right person yet. I've got plenty of great examples of relationships that last and are wonderful.
My parents celebrated their 26th wedding anniversary this year. My brother & sister have been together now for over six years. One set of my grandparents celebrated their fourth anniversary. (Being honest They are one of my favorites even though I don't see them near often enough)
I have so many great examples of relationships. I've also had some great examples of bad/ unhealthy ones.
I've known for a long time, that when I finally find the one for me, that's it. Once I say "I do" That's going to be my life, and I will do my best to make it work. I know marriage isn't easy, and relationships take work. I honestly can't wait to find the one who becomes my person, because then they will be there for me for the rest of my life, just like I will be there for theirs.
But I'm also not someone who's going to around hopping into bed with different people trying to find that person for me. That's not Love, it's Lust. And while yes, it is important to have good chemistry. I also want a man who can make me laugh. Who understands that some days I just want to sit in silence, or be hugged because my demons are battering me terribly harsh today, and words don't help.
I want someone who texts/calls and says good morning. Who calls me pet names, and knows my family. Someone who can bullshit with my brother, and can handle fishing with my dad. Someone who my mom likes as well, and someone who isn't afraid of strong women, because Lord knows, there are plenty in my family.
Someone who understands that I'm not a huge talker, and can sit in silence with a book or music and just be peaceful, but someone who can also draw me out of my shell and who can get me to do things I've never done.
(Roller coasters that flip or travel upside down are not happening though, because I can't handle those.)
Someone who sees all of my books, and doesn't say that I don't need to buy more, but reminds me that two of the three I've picked I already own. Someone who understands that I don't feel the need to constantly wake up two hours early to put makeup on and do fancy stuff with my hair, but when I do is properly amazed. I need someone who is willing to put up with my flaws, and my quirks and loves me anyway.
Eventually, I'll find this person, but I'm happy being alone right now. I'm only 23, I've got a life to live, and places to see. Plenty of people to meet too. Lots of things to discover for myself, and with my family and friends too. Plenty of experiences to have first also.
I'm happy getting up by myself, taking a shower that uses all the hot water, listening to music and greeting the sun with a glass of juice. I'm happy walking my dog and laughing at her silliness. I enjoy sitting and listening to my cat purr. I also enjoy eating pizza for breakfast, and breakfast for supper. I enjoy staying up all night and reading when I'm off work. I enjoy spending time with my family, and time by myself.
I don't feel the need to have someone with me right now, at this stage in my life.
But who knows. Maybe tomorrow I'll meet someone who will sweep me off my feet and want to drag me off into the sunset.
Shoot, who am I kidding. My Prince Charming is probably stuck up a tree, or lost somewhere.
I'll stumble upon him eventually. In the meantime,
I've got a dog to take potty, season one of Game of Thrones to watch, a story to write, an entire serving of pizza to eat, and a glass to fill back up with juice.
I think I'll be just fine.
-Jacq
