I have a million things I could be doing. I have to work tomorrow morning, a vivid change from my six nights of the night shift at the Hotel this past week, which finally ended Tuesday morning at 8 a.m.
I have a million things to do, but if there is one thing I have learned about myself in my twenty-one years, is that I procrastinate.
I always irritate myself at the deadline, thinking, why? Why do I do this to myself every single time? Why?
But at the same time, I always get my stuff done too. Sometimes it isn't my best work, but it's still better than it could have been.
I could be starting the laundry I need to do, so that I don't have a crap ton to do when I get back to my apartment from the Vacation. I could be cleaning those few dishes sitting in my sink, not enough to put in my dishwasher, but since I washed a lot of dishes yesterday afternoon, I don't really have any desire to do that either. I could be figuring out what else I need to put on my grocery list. I could be finding all the things that I need to take with me.
Instead I am at one of my favorite places in my town besides the library, or a family member's house.
Starbucks.
Yes. Starbucks. That wonderful utopia of coffee smells, of which I have a Gold Member card, with its wi-fi, music, and baristas yelling out names and their orders.
I am catching up on my "Social" tab in my GMail account, because it's been sitting at over 150 for a little while, and that kind of bothers me. I've been sitting here long enough to get it to about 66 or so emails.
Which is actually really me procrastinating on a big decision when it comes to the Vacation.
Who do I ride with?
Laugh. It's ok. That is my big decision. Not which outfit to take, not which makeup, what accessories, shoes, etc.
It is that because I have two choices. Well three, but one comes with an 8 year old with endless questions, and an eleven month old who is too cute for her own good.
Option one: Leaving at Midnight on Sunday morning. Consisting of my brother, father, brother's-best-friend-who-might-as-well-just-be-another-brother, and said bf's girlfriend. And maybe my Niece.
My main problem is two fold:
1. That is a God-awful time to be awake. I've woken up at 3:00 am before so I could start my trip to Oregon, but Midnight is earlier than that.
2. My brother when around me for any amount of time longer than about 4 hours tends to start to poke and push my buttons. He can do this very well since he's my brother and three years older than me. It irritated me when I was twelve, and it irritates me now at twenty-one. It's somewhere around 6-7 hours to where we are going.
I'm not sure who would survive, or if my father would get frustrated, and neither of us would make it there in one piece.
Option Two: Leaving sometime in the evening of Monday. Consists of my Sister-in-love and my mother. And maybe my Niece.
The only issue with option two? What the hell do I do until Monday evening?
See when my Mother told me to make sure that I took one of my weeks of Vacation, I get two now after being at the Hotel two years, so that I could go with them, I had no clue, no idea, and not even the vaguest sense of what exactly we were doing other than the widest of terms. I still am not 100% sure where we are going, and now I'm not even sure when we are going.
Know what I know?
A few things:
1. Whichever time I go, is probably when my Niece will go. She's two. That's exciting.
2. I have a lot of stuff I need to do before I go on this week-long trip.
3. My dog will be at my parent's. I have a friend coming by who will take care of my cat.
4. I have bought an air mattress.
5. I still need to buy a tent.
6. I have not packed.
7. I have to get up early tomorrow, so that I can get ready for work.
8. There are so many other things I could be doing.
9. I am listening to Spoken Poetry instead of doing any of the things I could be doing.
10. I don't really have a number ten, but nine has always been a strange number to me.
I am making a list in my head. I like to make lists. Lists of what I need to buy, what I need to do, to pack, to read, to watch.
My issue isn't making lists. My issue is following/sticking to those lists.
I've decided I shouldn't be allowed in Wal-Mart. I don't always have the strength to not judge the people who go in dressed like they do, and I always buy stuff that I don't need right now, or that I have no place for.
Wal-Mart tempts me in alllll the wrong ways.
Instead of doing anything I should, I am sitting in an almost-empty Starbucks, listening to Spoken Poetry, Pinning things on Pinterest, and blogging.
I've texted my mother already, asking some specific questions. She gave me a couple of specific answers, and some that confused me. Upon telling her "You. Are. No. Help."
She responds with "I. AM. FABULOUS."
It makes me laugh. She can always make me laugh. I'm not sad or embarrassed to say that my mom is my best friend, outside of the bestie who moved to Oregon.
She's pretty fricken fabulous, so I couldn't exactly give a witty sarcastic come back to that statement. Instead I just asked more questions.
Questions are always allowed with my Mother. She sometimes doesn't know, and other times she wants me to figure it out for myself, and so tells me to look it up.
I am currently constantly reminding myself to keep my legs together while I am sitting. The reason? I'm wearing a dress.
I have to remind myself of this because I don't get to wear dresses or skirts very often because at work I only get to wear black pants as part of the uniform.
It makes being myself, and feminine a little more difficult. Some days the only reason I feel like it's apparent that I'm a female is because I have jewelry on, or my makeup is on, or I have my hair all girly instead of just up and out of my face.
That and my boobs. Because regardless of my shirt, those things are always apparent. An unfortunate by product of my genetics, and my weight. I have to pick my shirt sizes based on boob appearance in the shirts.
Shirt got things on it? Better make sure they don't end up stretched out/straight on the boobs. Ugh. Such a hassle! Not to mention that any shirt meant to show cleavage, shows a lot of cleavage.
This has all been sort of really procrastination on making decisions for vacation. I should probably be a little ashamed of that, but I have
If you know what I'm saying. XD
Ok. So decisions aside, because obviously I haven't decided on those. Let me just leave you with this YouTube video that I watched today.
Because that's pretty rad. Although it did take a lot more of them to sing the song than it did QUEEN, but hey. You can't always have your cake and eat it too.
But damn if I can't eat that pie that's in my fridge, and have some banana bread too.
Because I made them, and I make good food.
-Jacq
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